Turn in or turn out

I recently awoke, one morning, with the realization that I had returned full circle on my spiritual journey. Throughout my lifetime I have been exposed to many different aspects of religious and spiritual following and have had the opportunity to experience a variety of spiritual and religious practices that exist on this planet.

I was born into a Jewish family where I was brought up within the Judaic religious structure. Judaism is very much a religion of ceremony and prayer, for the most part looking outside oneself towards God. From as far back as I can remember the Judaic religious process held no appeal although I could not say why with any certainty. However it was not until turning thirty that I commenced a journey to seek a form of spirituality that spoke to me.

In 1979 I travelled to India to experience Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh who was to become Osho in 1989. It was here that I learned to meditate, tune in to energy and recognize presence. Osho spoke to me. For the first time in my life I felt at home with my spirituality. The teachings were about turning in and not out. Although my personal situation changed over the next few years, what I received from that time in India and then on Osho’s commune in Oregon, Rajneeshpuram, remained indelibly within me. But then I became restless. I thought that I should spiritually experience more. I became desperate for change.

My intuition has always known what to do even if struggle ensued. One day I was wandering in Vancouver and noticed the Psychic Expo that was happening at the convention center. There I per chance met a remarkable woman, April White Cloud, who said she was half Apache and half Hawaiian and had been with Osho. She suggested I attend a weekend workshop and there she and her partner proceeded to do an amazing healing on me. I knew that shamanism was my next step. My life then did a massive shift and about a year later, I met Vicky who would become my wife and spiritual partner. One day I was wandering through the library in Vancouver intuitively looking for a book that called to me. That book was the third in the Hank Wesselman, Spiritwalker series. Vicky and I proceeded to attend two of Hank’s workshops and experienced connecting with spirit through shamanism. A couple of years later Vicky and I moved to North Vancouver and connected with the North Shore Centre for Spiritual Living. There we met Leonard Howell and I commenced doing readings with the Osho Zen deck. Leonard became our shamanic teacher explaining the four directions and native ceremony. It was during this time that I did an Ayahuasca ceremony that would further shift my spiritual perspective in a profound way.

Next Vicky and I made the decision to move to the Sunshine Coast. Leonard predicted that Vicky and I would become involved with the native community and so we did. I experienced sweats, native ceremony and made my own drum. I thought I had found my home within the Coast spiritual community. Much transpired within the first years here between attending various workshops, ceremonies and community events. Then after a period of inner struggle, I one day awoke with the realization that I was no longer being called to do this. I noticed that I was no longer tuning in to shamanic sources for spiritual nourishment. I felt lost. The need to tune in to my inner self became very powerful. In doing so, I rediscovered my ability to heal. I simply needed to come home to myself instead of looking for outside nourishment and meaning. Ceremony no longer called. I could tune in easily without the need for the preparation of ceremony. It was that simple. Osho taught me the art of meditation, but apparently I had to pull away and further explore this multi-dimensional world before coming home to myself. I have no regrets about anything that I have tried. It has all been a beautiful rich experience, but in doing so I found the way home.

Like a photograph that is one image with multiple shades from light to dark so we are that one image, a multiple dimensional being existing with all aspects in a simultaneous dance of expression. And all we have to do is accept and love it all to be at peace and at home in the light that is always here.

Feel the presence

Wait silently with anything, and you will discover a new phenomenon which was always there, but of which you were not alert – not aware of it. Your mind will become completely silent as you feel the presence of the ever-living existence. You will be just a part in it, just a note in the great symphony. No burden, no tension...the drop has fallen into the ocean. ~ Osho

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